Sunday, May 14, 2017

Sharon/Sam: Firework (2/13)


C - Comeback

He never used to mind being alone. He had in fact liked the freedom of it all. Now he really disliked being by himself because his thoughts inevitably turned to dangerous territory. He often imagined what kind of life he and Sherry could have had if she had stuck around - should she have wanted a life with him at all. They had never even kissed but she'd gone and spoiled other women completely for him. Even Edie, his sometimes steady, was now just his sometimes Saturday night distraction. And he felt badly about that. He really did, but Sherry had captivated him and damned if he wasn't still under her spell even after she'd been gone for over four weeks. He never expected to see her again and that made him sadder than he cared to admit. He'd never been an overtly romantic or fanciful guy but she'd meant something to him and he wished he had meant enough to her that she would have stayed.

Sometimes, after all the animals in the county were tended to for the night, he'd come and sit in the barn and just lie back on a bay of hale and try to remember the smell of her perfume. His thoughts were always potent and full of regret but he had felt while Sherry was around, that this place had been their shared refuge.

He had thought of looking her up a few times (he knew her name, or at least the one she'd given him) but knew that if he found her, he'd only scare her off again. She wanted to be alone and untethered the way he always had wanted to be until she came along.

Tonight was one of the nights he was doing his best to relax in the barn. He kept seeing her teary eyes as she fled that day and he knew he'd always wish he could have taken away her pain somehow. Of course, it was impossible now.

"Knock, knock," a familiar voice came from the door and he looked up. She was a vision with her brunette hair tied back in a ponytail which fully showcased the sheepish look on her too pretty face. For a moment there, he really believed he was dreaming and thought about pinching himself but resisted.

"Well if it isn't the Sedona comeback kid," he said, feeling lame saying that but it was the only thing he could think of to say at the moment that wouldn't chase her right back out that door. He sat up and scratched his cheek while waiting for her to say something.

She finally did and his heart broke a bit for all over again. "I'm sorry I just walked out like I did. It's a really, really bad habit of mine," she said, biting her lip. "But I'm back if you'll have me."

He nodded nonchalantly. "Of course. I told you this place was yours for as long as you needed it." His heart was hammering uncharacteristically heavily as she moved towards him and he shifted on the bale of hay as she dropped down beside him.

"Thanks for not asking a bunch of questions, Sam," she said. Her arm brushed his lightly and he almost jumped but retained his composure as best as he could. "Thanks for everything. I don't know what you'll need me for now that Fanny's gone but ... I'm not leaving again. At least I don't plan to."

"I need you for lots of things," he said with a little smile. "Mainly I need someone to keep me company around here or I'll go stir-crazy from boredom."

She smiled a little. "I'd go stir crazy just from loneliness, I think."

Sam nodded. "Yeah that too..."

They ended up just sitting there beside each other for the longest time, neither moving or speaking but somehow managing to still be in tune with the others' thoughts and needs. When Sherry finally excused herself due to obvious exhaustion, he watched her slip into her room. In his mind, it was hers now. She had made her home here. Just like she had made her place inside of his heart.

~*~*~*

D - D-Day


It was supposed to be a day like any other but the moment he stepped into the barn, he sensed somehow it was going to be very different. She was sitting on a bale of hay staring off into space and seemed not to know he was even there. Silent tears dripped down her tan cheeks and she had her arms locked around herself in a very sad and yet defensive posture.

"Sherry?" He said, slowly approaching her the way he would a scared and wounded animal. "Sherry?" he said again and slowly closed the distance between them. He lightly touched her shoulder and she jumped up with a screech. She nearly catapulted to the straw-covered floor but he caught her just in time before she went down face first.

She looked up at him, seeming to see him for the first time and then she was slapping his hands away angrily. "Don't. Don't touch me!" she snapped, her voice high and full of indigence. And misery.

He nodded and righted her as best as he could and then stepped away from her, giving her a wide berth. She immediately ran to the other side of the barn and hunched in the corner, looking sick to her stomach. He knew he should leave her alone but that wasn't his way. He saw someone broken and he instinctively wanted to heal them. It was the doctor in him, he supposed. Or maybe it was that he cared already far too deeply for this woman.

"I'll stay over here," he said. "But ... we should talk. You look really upset." He sighed. This wasn't coming out right. "Look, Sherry, you can tell me anything. Anything okay? If someone hurt you-"

"I hurt so many people," Sherry fairly whispered. "I broke so many people and I deserve to be alone just like I am."

He didn't know what to think of this but again, he resisted pressuring her, not wanting to send her off into the night again. This time she might not return and he hated that idea. It was selfish on his part but he also believed she needed someone, anyone, and he could try his best to separate his personal feelings for her and just be there for her as a confidant.

"I'm sure that's not true," he finally said. "And you're not alone. You have me and the farm and -"

She chuckled mirthlessly. "You don't even know me. You don't know anything about me. For god's sake, I could be a killer and all you care about is - God, I don't even know why you care. Or you say you do. Maybe you want into my pants, want to use me and throw me away like the trash everyone says I am ..."

He shook his head, resting his hands on his hips not knowing what else to do with them. He really just wanted to grab her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay but he couldn't do that and he couldn't lie. He didn't know how all of this was going to end up and he sensed she didn't either which obviously scared her as much as it did him. He just could hide it better.

"Sherry, I care about you. As a person. I am really not trying to get into your jeans and I really do care. I like to think we're friends. So just let me help okay?"

She shook her head. Shook it over and over again as tears rolled down her cheeks. He watched her and again had to resist the urge to move over to her and try to hold her. She had reacted badly though when he just tried to keep her from falling. She would reject any comfort he could pathetically offer her.

"You want some coffee or -"

Sherry glared at him. "I don't want any damn coffee! I want to be alone," she snapped. "Because it's June already and I totally forgot about May while I was gallivanting all over the U.S. and May is so damn important. May is like D-Day all month long. Hell all year long. That pain. That pain... It never goes away. Sweet Cassie, my sweet Cassie..."

"Cassie?"

Sharon nodded; this time looking a bit scared to say what was obviously pressing on her. "Yeah. She was ... my daughter... And she's gone and I forgot all about the anniversary of when it happened ... When my world fell apart and was never, ever the same. What kind of mother am I?"

He didn't know what to say. Saying "I'm sorry for your loss" was so trite and hollow. All he could say was, "I am sure you were a great mother ... You don't have to deal with that grief alone. I've lost people too, you know. Not a child but ... People. If you want to ..."

"Share and share alike?" She sniffed with no humor in her words. "No thanks."

"Okay... Well I don't want to leave you alone so maybe we could go out to the little pond behind the property and do some fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Or just watch the tadpoles. Or just sit there and watch the sky ..." He was grasping at straws here and she must have sensed it because she offered him a weak smile.

"Fishing sounds okay. Relaxing even. Just one thing -"

"Anything."

"If we catch the fish, we have to throw them back, okay? Because I don't want them to be hurt. Or die ..."

Sam nodded. "Alright, Sherry, we can definitely do that." He had always believed that she was a kind soul but her wanting to throw back the fish still surprised him. She was one surprise after another and she was also a good person. She may not believe that but he did and that was enough for now.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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